I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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