Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
