maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
