Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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