I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
