My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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