the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
