ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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