I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
