I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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