he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
this is an emotional support booty call
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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