So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
