I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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