I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
