community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
