He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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