My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
