It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
