If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
