i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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