Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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