i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
soo... how was my night?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
