In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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