Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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