Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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