yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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