I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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