I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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