he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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