...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
