ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
