Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
