the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
