distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
