We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
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A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
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