walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
