well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
