Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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