Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They took my balls.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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