oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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