Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
