i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
FUCK WHALES
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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