Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
