I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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