She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
