Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
