A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
