my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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