i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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