I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so let's talk penis.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
