So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
