It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
