Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
