I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
