He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
