We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
