I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
