the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
