You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
