Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
