were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
