you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
