When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
