We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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