so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
