I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
