A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
