Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
